Rick’s Rants and Raves

We had a bunch of people over to our house to “celebrate” Independence Day. I’ve put celebrate in quotes, because we didn’t talk a lot about independence, or take part in any particularly patriotic activities. But we gathered, and had fun. I think we held a nice party, and here’s why:

• No alcohol was required to get things moving. I’m certainly not a teetotaler, but its good to see people having fun without the social lubricant known as beer.
• The party was winding down about the time we expected, but didn’t feel rushed. Folks showed up anywhere from 12PM to 3PM, and left when they felt like it. We figured people would hang out much of the afternoon, and it was around 6:30PM when everyone had left.
• Everyone brought great food to share. I sometimes worry about a “bring something to share” sort of potluck. I worry that everyone will bring a bag of chips. When we do large family gatherings (e.g. Thanksgiving) we assign dishes to families, so that we know whats coming and what we need to provide. For this party, I just had to let it go, and it turned out beautifully. From roasted potatoes to taco dip to home baked apple pie, deviled eggs, and brownies–the only chips were the ones we provided.
• It rained most of the time, but, thanks to a portable awning showing up unexpectedly, a large contingent of folks hung out outside. So despite my fears that our “4th of July Picnic” had been rained out, it worked out perfectly.
• There were a fair number of people who didn’t know each other, but they all did a great job of introducing themselves and having fun with their new acquaintances.
• Anne pulled out Apples to Apples which about 15 adults and kids have fun with for nearly two hours. That game is great because of a) the short learning curve, and b) the ease of adding/removing/substituting new players. I was afraid out new coffee table would be broken by enthusiastic players…
• There was time enough for me to learn more about people who were just acquaintances before the party. One couple, both psychologists, probably learned a great deal more about me than I did about them. The both had a very friendly way of asking very polite questions that just seemed to get me to rattle on for minutes at a time.
• The last sign of a good party: trampled grass in the back yard. After the rain let up, a bunch of kids (some of us a bit bigger than others) played kick ball and ball tag. The grass is still matted down, and its wonderful.

While in Kentucky for a business trip, I noticed an interesting disconnect in the fines levied for certain offenses:

• The maximum fine for providing (or attempting to provide) alcohol to a minor: $250. In Ohio, you could get jail time. In Kentucky? Bah. Give up some profits from your still, and “don’t let us catch you doing that again!”
• The maximum fine for littering: $500. For real? Yup–signs all along the freeways.

It is twice as bad to throw a cigarette out your window as it is to contribute to the delinquency of a minor.  Evidently Kentucky is more concerned with keeping their countryside beautiful than protecting their youth.

There used to be a generation gap–the boomers and their parents were very different. Technically, I’m part of Generation X, and my kids (according to Wikipedia, THE SOURCE OF ALL KNOWLEDGE) are part of the second wave of Generation Y. Two events recently have helped me to see that I’ll probably be closer to my kids socially than I am to my parents, or they are to theirs.

1. My kids were desperate, nay, absolutely desperate, to see the original Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark. There are a number of reasons for the feverish pitch in recent weeks, but ultimately they couldn’t wait to beg us day in and day out to see the movie. This weekend we finally had a chance, and they loved it. That movie came out when I was my daughter’s age.
2. Today as we were driving home from dinner, my daughter heard Bon Jovi’s Livin’ on a Prayer to which she exclaimed “Turn it Up! I love this song.” Of course we obliged as I reminisced about cranking it while cruising Reynoldsburg (Oh, the happenin’ R’burg) as a teenager. I couldn’t have imagined then that my own daughter would love that song over 20 years later. She delivered the coup de grace to my teen angst memories when she said “When we get home, can we put this on my MP3 player?”

I thank the media. I blame the media. I thank the DVDs, CDs, and digital media for making my kids adore the same stuff I did when I grew up, and “came of age.” It tickles me to no end to see them devoting hours to reading the Complete Calvin and Hobbes on lazy Sunday mornings.

After feeling like I had done a pretty poor job as a Tiger Cub leader, and a fair bit of discussion with my wife, I decided to give the Den leader job a try again. Here’s what went right, and not so right.

What Went Right

• Before the school year started, before the first den meeting, I looked at the requirements for Wolf and the Pack calendar. I laid out a plan for completing the requirements before the Blue and Gold banquet.
• I talked to one of the parents who had been active during Tiger Cubs, and asked for his help throughout the year. I was sure I could not do it alone, given the stress I was feeling at work, and likelihood of travel. I showed him the plan, and asked him to cover the topics in two weeks. He agreed, despite his own reservations regarding his own work stress and travel.
• Part of what I figured out in my plan to complete the requirements was that there were going to be several requirements that I simply would not be able to cover in den meetings. I wanted to be crystal clear with the parents right from the beginning that I expected them to do this stuff at home. So my wife helped me by typing up this document which I gave them a couple of times throughout the year.
• During one of my business trips, I managed to ask one of the other parents to help by covering some requirements during a meeting. I hate asking for help, so this was a great accomplishment for me.
• I downloaded the Wolf Trax and used it right from the first meeting to track progress. It is a fabulous tool.
• After prodding and coaxing, I got three of the six boys to finish their Wolf requirements in time for the end-of-year picnic. The other three boys hadn’t attended meetings at all in the spring, so I don’t feel bad that they didn’t get Wolf.

What Went Not-So-Right

• After one month, my original parent helper and his son stopped coming to meetings. I called a couple of times to ask if they were coming, but it became clear that they had other priorities. I never confronted him about his failure to keep his commitment to me, and it was too late for me to give up on the den.
• Even though I had laid out an achievable plan (with a couple of weeks to spare) for all the boys to get Wolf, the weather and family schedules got in the way. For the most part, the meetings were well attended, but by the end of the year, there were a patchwork of requirements still to be completed. I should have kept all the materials from all previous meetings with me in my briefcase. That way I could cover the material in promptu with a boy who had missed that meeting. It turned out OK in the end, but there were a number of meetings at the end of the year where I didn’t bother to plan, because I didn’t know what boys would show up, and therefore which requirements would need to be covered. I just did my best to look at the assembled scouts and cover the requirements that a couple of them still needed. Fortunately, most of them didn’t mind repeating a requirement or two.
• The pack we’re a part of isn’t terribly organized. For example, the pack meetings are organized in the first 10 minutes of the meeting as the cub master and assistant cub master compare notes on what they need to cover. Also, leadership meetings are typically announced on a Friday or Saturday for a Sunday meeting, via e-mail. Because of the late notice, I wasn’t able to attend one of them. The lack of organization frustrated me greatly last year, but this year I learned to just roll with it. However, I felt like I wasn’t able to contribute as much as possible because they weren’t organized, and because I wasn’t motivated to drive the organization. The only event that went off smoothly was the pinewood derby.
• My son and I didn’t do a single scout event outside of meetings and pack events. There are a couple of reasons for this: a) my motivation to do these events was very low, so even if I knew about them, I was likely to find an excuse not to go; b) our council relies on Pack/Den leadership to publicize council and district level events. Since we’re not terribly organized, we tended to find out about them 2-3 days in advance.

In all, the year went better than my Tiger Cub year. I was able to get many of the boys to complete their rank, and there were only a couple of hiccups along the way. Now, the Pack leaders are asking for someone to step up and be Cubmaster and Assistant Cubmaster. I know that I absolutely cannot be Cubmaster. Depending on who steps up, I might be able to help as Assistant Cubmaster. But they’ll have to be pretty organized, and good at telling me what they need me to do.