Rick’s Rants and Raves

It’s weird to think about a man admiring another man in our current culture. We tend to think he’s gay, or something. But recently as I’ve thought about my life and how I’m living it, I’ve come to admire some qualities in a few men I know–qualities I wish I had. Perhaps I’ll figure out how to develop them a little bit, or compensate for their lack, if necessary.

Lance

Lance is a co-worker that I’ve known and worked closely with for about 5 years. If Lance has one defining characteristic, it is extroversion. He’s the guy you’ll hear talking to his single serving friend on the airplane, For. The. Whole. Flight. Lance has a natural and disarming curiosity that, when coupled with a desire to learn about other people, propels him into fascinating conversations. I sit near him at work, and I’ve taken a couple of business trips with him. He loves asking questions of other people and discussing the answers. But he also has the perfect balance–he knows when to shut up, or when another question would be just the thing to keep the conversation flowing. If the other person isn’t interested, he won’t badger them. But if they are, they are both in for a wonderful conversation. I admire his ability to learn about the people around him, even if they will only be around for the next hour until the plane touches down. I tend to be on the quiet side, maybe acknowledging someone near me with a polite but pert “Hi.” My gut reaction is that anything more would be an invasion of privacy. I know it wouldn’t be, but for some reason I just shut down, and can’t think of questions to ask that don’t seem trite: “What do you do? Where are you from? Got any kids?” The difference for Lance is that it doesn’t matter if they are trite–they get the conversation started so that he can find less trite topics to cover. I want to be more like that.

Theo

Theo is my (hold on for this) Step-Brother-In-Law, or the husband of my wife’s step sister. We’re pretty close to their family, having spent several vacations and holidays together. The conversation is either lively or raucous, never subdued. Theo is a man of passion, and it pervades his life. His biggest passions: sports (especially baseball), music (name a genre and he knows it and loves it), and women (he’s faithful, but loves to look). I’ll cover the first two passions, and I’ll leave the final one to the reader’s imagination.
Theo’s back yard is adjacent to a field, where he has constructed a regulation height pitcher’s mound. There’s a plywood backstop against his fence that get pummeled by his fast ball if anyone is brave enough to swing at it. Few are good enough to hit it. If he likes you, we’ll throw some easy ones to knock deep into the field. If you throw the ball anywhere near the strike zone, he’ll knock it almost to the railroad tracks 100 yards away. He plays basketball any chance he gets. Got a football and three willing victims? Two hand touch it is. Throw a frisbee? Sure, why not. If he’s comfortable with you, he’ll really let his competitive side out and start the smack talk. If there is a chance he might lose, the smack gets amped up a notch. (Incidentally, I beat him soundly over two days and 10 games of Rick&Theo bocce ball one vacation. I must celebrate the small victories).
Theo is also a gifted musician. He KNOWS music. He FEELS music. He UNDERSTANDS music. He writes his own stuff, leads his own band, plays pretty much anything, directs choirs, and only he knows what else. With music and sports, Theo understands the priority these things play in his life. He’s not afraid to say “I need to practice my trumpet” or “Lets toss a football”. He’s a man of passion and he’s not afraid to let that passion drive him.

Scott

I’ve known Scott for a few years because our daughters are good friends. It started when he needed help setting up a montstrous play set for his girls. He (or his wife) had the courage to ask for help, and I had the tools and confidence to give it a shot. Ever since, we’ve spent some time hanging out with Scott and his family, enjoying each other’s company in a variety of ways. I’m still astonished that I sang Karaoke cold sober.
Scott has a lot of friendships, some that span decades, and he’s not that old. His friendships come from all kinds of activities: high school and college buddies, volunteer activist buddies, work buddies, on-line collaborators, etc. They hang out together, they create together, and they save the world together. How he’s able to maintain the connections required for these friendships, I simply don’t know, but its impressive to see and hear about.
OK, so in all honesty, this is jealousy (and a touch of self pity) rather than admiration. I have no current friends from high school or college. I’ve tried a couple of volunteer activities, but none of them seem long lived. My work buddies (with one exception) cease to exist within a month of one of us departing the company. My one on-line collaboration experience lasted a whole month. In sum, I have two friends who’ve been around for more than 10 years: my wife (thank god), and Mike (thank, um, Mike).

So, what is the point of this post? To acknowledge some traits in others that I admire. To heighten my own self awareness, and get my mind churning on how I might live my life in ways that I admire in others. Let this be day one for more extroversion, passion, and friendship.